


Our Kind of Normal

by misura



Category: Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Tony Being Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-09 06:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1973088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Who <i>is</i> this guy?" Ben asked Hansel, who shrugged.</p>
<p>"Name's Tony Stark. He makes stuff that's good at killing things."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Kind of Normal

The sign outside the shop simply said 'Stark's'.

A few books were standing in the window display, from which Ben concluded this was probably a bookshop, possibly of the kind where they wrapped your purchases in plain brown paper before pointing you towards the backdoor exit.

He was, as it turned out, mostly wrong about all of the above.

 

"Is this a - " He'd seen pictures, of course. Hansel had shown him a catalog last week. For some reason, he'd expected the thing to be a lot heavier than it was.

"Hey," someone who was way too young and well-dressed to be working as a shopguy said, "careful with that, tiger. You break it, you buy it."

"Don't you mean: you break it, _you_ spend five minutes fixing it," Hansel said. "Tony."

"Yeah, hi," Tony said, reaching for the weapon in Ben's hands. "Kid yours? How'd that happen? Orphan?"

"You _make_ these?"

"Oh, I get it," Tony said, putting the ThunderBlaster back on its shelf. "Don't tell me. Live bait. Smart, which means, unlikely, which means ... Gretel's idea?"

"I need some new throwing knives," Gretel said.

"Should have written ahead, sweetcheeks."

"Who _is_ this guy?" Ben asked Hansel, who shrugged.

"Name's Tony Stark. He makes stuff that's good at killing things."

"People, please," Tony said. "I mean, let's not get all politically correct here, shall we? I make it, you can use it kill people. Lots of people, usually. It's a gift. The family business."

"You want to make baby bottles, what's stopping you?" Hansel picked up a small model LightningBarrel.

"I don't like babies."

Gretel snorted.

"I'm strictly interested in the process that comes before," Tony said. "That, I do like."

"In your dreams, Stark."

"Often," Tony agreed cheerfully. "Got some knives over there. Feel free to browse. For you, I'll make it a special price."

"Twice the usual?" Hansel asked. "You're not exactly cheap."

"That's not what you said last time you were here, big guy."

Gretel frowned as she picked through a display of knives. "These aren't exactly your best work."

"Special-order, two weeks minimum," Tony said promptly. "Three, if you're in a hurry."

Ben blinked. "That's - "

"Can't rush quality, beanstalk," Tony said. "Or genius."

Gretel picked up one of the knives. "One week."

"It'll cost you."

"Just seduce him or something," Hansel said. "You heard him, he's cheap."

"One week, and I won't cut your balls off," Gretel said. "And feed them to you."

Hansel sighed. "Look, Tony. We're friends, all right? Pals? And right now, we're just a tiny little bit short on funds, so it'd be nice if, just this once, you'd _not_ skin us alive to pay you a no doubt very fair, very reasonable price for your very useful, very excellent weapons. Seriously, they've saved our lives more than once. So if you _don't_ sell them to us, at a rate that's maybe a tiny little bit under your usual one, it's not impossible we might end up dead. And, you know, eaten. Chopped to pieces. Tossed into the soup - that sort of thing. You feeling me here?"

"I'm touched," Tony said. "Really, I am. I mean, it's the same speech you made last time, and the time before that, but you know what? It's still a great speech."

"It is a great speech," Hansel said. "And I only use it on you. Last time. Hand to God."

"Yep, still very familiar. So, drinks next? I could use a drink."

"It's barely even time for dinner," Gretel said.

"Well, I'm usually passed out when it's time for dinner," Tony said. "I mean, or so I assume. It usually gets dark when most people sit down for dinner, so, yeah. Not a fan."

Hansel sighed. "C'mon. Let's get a drink."

"Please don't beat up any customers," Tony told Gretel, handing her a key. "And do lock up. A bit of cleaning would be appreciated, but it's really not at all necessary. Or required. Or something I could imagine you offering to do, so never mind. Kid."

Hansel slung an arm over his shoulder, and the two of them left the shop. By the back door - so Ben figured he'd gotten _that_ right, at least.

"He's kind of weird, isn't he?" he said, at last.

Gretel shrugged. "He's one of those kids that got away. After months and months. So I guess he's kind of normal. Considering."

"Your kind of normal, you mean," Ben said.

" _Our_ kind of normal," she said, slipping one of the knives into her belt. "Yeah."


End file.
